Flashitus
by RangerOfOlympus
Summary: Do you have Flashitus? You might, it's spreading pretty fast. Click here to find out!
1. Flashitus

**A/N: Hey guys! So, this is just a random idea a friend and I came up with a while ago, and I finally actually wrote out the whole thing while I was bored at school today, so, yeah. Here you go! It's kind of supposed to be like a medical article on like, WebMD or something. Not that I read that a lot, or anything… Enjoy!**

"Flashitus"

Flashitus is a psychological disorder that tends to manifest in young people from four years of age to twenty-one. It generally forms in youngsters that watch a recently made television show called _The Flash_ , although there have been a few documented cases that were brought on by avidly reading comic books.

Flashitus can start out extremely mild, making it difficult to determine when a patient is contracting the disorder. The patient may begin to like the television show or comic and watch or read it more. As the disease progresses, more symptoms begin to appear, as are listed below. Flashitus generally takes about twenty-three to twenty-seven weeks to develop to the final stage (coincidentally, this is about the amount of time it takes for one whole season to air), but in some cases it hits much harder.

The fastest acting case of Flashitus reported overcame the patient in twenty-three hours. After watching the first episode of _The Flash_ , the aforementioned patient immediately binge-watched the next seventeen episodes before finally taking a break. Fortunately for the patient (and the patient's family and friends), Flashitus is not fatal, although decidedly unhealthy.

Flashitus was discovered by two of the victims, who happened to be sisters: Rose and Lavender Lee. The two were fourteen and on their way to a bowling alley while discussing the television show when they discovered something. There were certain mental irregularities consistent in both of them. The two came to a conclusion that they must have a mental disorder and immediately fell to coming up with a name. In the end, it was Miss Rose Lee that coined the name "Flashitus."

Symptoms (Stage One):

Patient may enjoy mentioning the show or discussing it

Patient watches show if nothing else of interest is available

May frequently point out bad ideas or how show could improve the plot or scientific accuracy

Stage Two:

Patient loves the show and watches frequently (patient may also rewatch episodes that the patient enjoyed or, alternatively, watch the entire season over again)

Begins to love and hate the characters respectively and think of them as real people

May start to write and/or read Flash fanfiction

Stage Three:

Will shout at television when a character does something stupid (this may have manifested earlier, but is found in all Stage Three patients)

Avidly writes and/or read Flash fanfiction

May have dreams about _The Flash_

Watches _The Flash_ whenever possible

Discusses show with friends and actively try to "convert" people who don't watch _The Flash_ and/or have never watched because they prefer _Arrow_

In some extreme cases of Flashitus, the patient can develop an advanced strain of the disorder. The strain, known commonly as Barryitus (also coined by Miss Rose Lee), mainly focuses on the Flash himself and the man under the mask. This strain is most common in teenage girls and is by far the most serious case of Flashitus one can contract and survive. Once, a patient was reported to have progressed to a stage beyond Barryitus called Extremae Dementiae Mico. Unfortunately, this patient somehow managed to build a particle accelerator, blow it up, and disintegrate themselves from the sheer power of the explosion. Fans who heard of the event claim that the fellow fan is merely "trapped in the speed force and waiting for the Flash to save him."

The Barryitus's full name is Flashitus Barralgia Obssesophilium, but most will shorten the name to Barry itus. As mentioned before, Barryitus is centered on Barry Allen, also known as the Flash. As the television show does it's best to portray Mr. Allen as a dashing, noble young hero, the development of this strain is understandable. In some cases, fixations with other characters have been reported. In males, the strain is generally found fixed on Miss Iris West (extreme fangirls who suffer from Extremae Dementiae Mico have referred to Miss West as "the bane of my existence," while those suffering from Flashitus or Barryitus fondly refer to her as "Mrs. West-Allen") and is called Flashitus Iralgia Obsessophilium. The symptoms of Barryitus are as follows:

Squeals/dreamy look in eyes/deep sigh upon seeing Mr. Allen

May have numerous Barry Allen/Flash items

Can recite entire conversations/lines from the show

All aforementioned symptoms of Flashitus are commonplace and found in every victim

In some cases that border on Extremae Dementiae Mico, the patient may begin to hate all of Mr. Allen's girlfriends and attempt to use voodoo on them

Flashitus is especially hard to treat, mainly because it has only recently been discovered and not many studies have been conducted. As far as scientists know, the only way to treat Flashitus is to take away anything Flash related. This includes the television show, fanfiction, Funko pops or other action figures, and anything else bearing the name, word, picture, or trademark of the Flash. Perhaps the most important requirement is that the patient be kept away from any type of crayons, markers, colored pencils, etc., etc., as this could result in many many pictures of the Flash being drawn (much like, I am told, the Trickster did, as seen in season two, episode nine). Also, keep the patient away from paper and any writing utensil, as they may begin to write their own fanfiction.

Most doctors, while treating Flashitus, will lock the patient in a white sterile room with a television inside. The doctor will then stream documentaries or other movies, forcing the patient to watch something other than _The Flash_. Be _very careful_ when choosing which fictional movies to show the patient and be sure not to show anything superhero related. This could trigger a Flashitus relapse.

The main treatment for Flashitus used to be showing the patient _Arrow_ , as it was observed that many Barryitus patients bordering on Extremae Dementiae Mico had a deep seated dislike for Oliver Queen (a few of these patients claimed he was a "pretender" and "lame-o" for not having superpowers and not "even having a cool cape like Batman," although this is not the author's opinion). Then, the first doctor to attempt to undergo the treatment with the patient in order to determine how sane the patient would be when they got out of treatment noticed that both pre-accelerator Barry Allen and the Flash are mentioned and shown multiple times in _Arrow_. The treatment was instantly changed.

If you or a loved one appear to have any strain or stage of Flashitus, call a doctor as soon as as possible to start your recovery. Also, keep a close eyes out for a disorder often closely related to Flashitus: Arrowphema.

~RangerOfOlympus, author of "Amneisure: Do you have it? You may not Know."


	2. Flapression

**A/N: So, I wasn't planning on conitnuing this, but I had to. Especially since I may or may not suffer from this particular disorder myself... Also, I haven't written anything for the finale yet, which I rewatched today. Yeah, I cried. That scene right before Barry goes into the speed force...so beutiful, so happy. AND THEN EVERYTHING WAS RIPPED AWAY!**

 **Ahem. Yeah, so for a while it almost felt like someone in Percebeth had died and then I was like, "Nah, that'd be worse." But here's this. Enjoy!**

 **READ AND REVIEW!**

"Flapression"

Flapression is a mental disorder that has only recently been discovered and manifests in patients from as young as eight years old to as old as thirty-four. And these only of the cases documented. It is suspected that some younger cases may have occurred, seeing as how young children could easily be driven to tears by a television show. Like Flashitus, which Flapression comes from, Flapression centers on the television show _The Flash_ , which just ended its third season.

Oddly enough, Flapression did not seem to occur until after the season three finale was released, leading therapists to believe that this was the cause. In the season finale, "Team Flash," as fans (and screenwriters) have dubbed the group, faces off against Savitar, the evil double of the main protagonist. Savitar, who attempted to murder the love of the Flash's life, had actually murdered the ever faithful HR Wells, who used his otherworldly technology to disguise himself as the doomed woman. If you find this confusing, that is perfectly normal. If you can follow this perfectly, you may be suffering from Flashitus (see "Flashitus" by RangerOfOlympus).

Although Mr. Wells died, Miss West, soon to be Mrs. West-Allen, survived, leaving fans with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Unfortunately for "Team Flash," Savitar still had to be taken care of, which eventually prompted an all-out fight between good and evil. Savitar ended up dead, and all fans rested easy until the speed force, a mysterious force of nature that gives a "speedster" its speed, begins unleashing enormous amount of energy in the form of lightning onto Central City. The reason? The speed force basically throws a hissy fit that it doesn't have a prisoner anymore and decides to attempt to destroy the whole world to get a new one. Naturally, Barry Allen sacrifices himself, leaving his newly saved love behind.

The fact that this occurrence was preceded by what has been dubbed "WestAllen fluff" (which is a basically an adorable, romantic scene as far as doctors can tell, made Mr. Allen's sacrifice all the more tragic for fans of the show.

Flapression often hits fast and hard, and can come and go. There are no clear symptoms, although tears, sobs, and cries of "WHYYYYY?" are generally good indicators. After speaking to the loved ones of some of those suffering from Flapression, doctors were able to diagnose it rather quickly. In the more mild cases that did not require immediate treatment, the only visible symptom were sad glances cast at Mr. Allen while watching previous episodes of the television show.

However, some extremely severe cases prompted therapists to go out and get interviews, from willing candidates, for the public. One parent even had to call an ambulance for their child after she started hyperventilating. The parent said that her daughter sat down on May 23, 2017 to watch the Flash finale and the parent exited the room, since she loathed the show. The parent was later rushed back into the room after hearing her daughter's cry of, "NOOOOOOO!"

To quote the mother exactly, "I was just sitting down to reply to some of my e-mails when I heard her shout "NOOOOO!" like someone was stabbing her dog, or something. I ran in there expecting something to be wrong and found her curled up on the couch. She was muttering, basically the same thing over and over again.

"'Barry...no no no no no...he just sent the invitations...the newspaper…' then she turned to me and started shouting. 'Mom! They just looked at the newspaper...Iris West-Allen...but he's GONE!' She just sat there, rocking for a second and then started up again. 'Oh my gosh, who's going to tell Oliver? And Felicity? What about Supergirl? And...WAAHHHH!'

"She wouldn't stop crying. Then she started having trouble breathing, so I called 9-1-1."

Other victims' loved ones reported an increased amount of screaming into pillows, writing fanfiction, and an uncharacteristic unwillingness to talk about their favorite hero: the Flash.

Treatment for Flapression is a bit of a balancing act. The only thing that has been found effective is showing the patient reruns of _The Flash_. This often triggers a relapse into a more severe case of Flashitus. The trick is to convince the Flapression patient that Barry Allen is indeed alive and well, and _not_ trapped in this mysterious "speed force." However, this often leads to a case of Barryitus, which, if the patient somehow gets their hands on the season three finale can trigger another case of Flapression.

Thus, Flapression could potentially be a major problem for those attempting to concentrate on schoolwork. The patients' only hopes lie in the season four premiere, which will hopefully (for the patients) come with the release of Mr. Allen from the speed force. If not...all hope is lost.

~RangerOfOlympus, author of "Flashitus"


End file.
